I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
