you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
