She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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