It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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