I look better un-naked...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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