Umm I'm too high to move.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
