Got a toothbrush?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
