Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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