The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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