I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
