And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
