I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
