It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
