the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
