I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
