ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
