And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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