I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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