Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
