her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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