When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
