there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
