have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
