she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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