i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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