Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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