omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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