Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
