it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
