i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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