Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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