I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
