9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
