so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
