Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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