If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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