Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
