school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
