even my farts smell like vagina
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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