Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
