he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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