Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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