You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
