Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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