Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
