Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
