STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
