I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
