1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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