The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
