dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
