Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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