I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
