I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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