It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
