I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
