I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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