he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
