he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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