Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
