God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
