how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
should my penis look like a turkey
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
