if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
