last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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