I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
