We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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