I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
