Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
