her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
