fuck your aforementioned shoe
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize