he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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