I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
