I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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