Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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