In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
