imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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