Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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