if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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