Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
