Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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